Sunday, April 17, 2011

Pregnant again

I think I need to start documenting this pregnancy since I've been too afraid to buy a journal. The last one I started with the baby we lost at 8 weeks, and then when I got past 8 weeks with Glory thought, I'll just use the same one. I just can't bear to buy the same journal again right now and start it.

I've set little milestones for myself with this pregnancy. First it was getting to the first ultra-sound at 8 weeks and seeing that little heartbeat. I think my tech knew this time not to tell me "it's a keeper" like she did with Glory. Then we got to the 12 week, though I don't know how I made it, I swear every time I went to the bathroom I'd check to see if there was blood when I wiped. All was good, I could have found out the sex but we have decided to wait. I'm too scared to buy anything for this baby till I get to viability age.

Then we made it to the 16 week appointment, a real hard one for me. I actually broke down in the office crying cause at 16 weeks we had a healthy heartbeat of 146 BPM with Glory and withing days to a week she had died and I didn't even know. My Dr. didn't even tell me what the BPM was this time, just told me everything was good. Which later had me freaking out. But the AFP test came back negative and I'm taking this as a great sign, since it had come back positive with Glory.

Now I'm at 18 weeks. My due date is September 16th, just 2 days after our one year anniversary of Glory's birth. My birthday, which for the first and only time in my life it will fall on Easter, marks 19 weeks 2 days, which is how far along I was when I delivered Glory. So my next milestone is just making it to 20 weeks. I can feel this one kicking so that's good. I'm starting to really feel pregnant. I can feel this little one inside me moving from time to time. Just praying everyday that we can hold him or her in our arms sometime in late Aug or early Sept. It would be pretty darn cool to be back exactly a year later in that hospital with tears of joy, instead of tears of sorrow!

1 comment:

  1. Janet,

    I'm all choked up reading this. Let me go ahead and say that I read about your previous miscarriage and stillbirth too. Part of the reason I'm choked up is because I was due at the end of September/beginning of October too. I lost my son at 12 1/2 weeks. He died during the second to last week of March (we don't know the day - they told us on the 31st) and I delivered him at home on April 10th. I took pictues of my baby too and I'm so glad you did of yours.

    I was really struck by what you said about trying to find out what your baby would look like by looking on the internet. I did something similar and had to wade through all of the abortion photos. It was agony.

    After Innocent was born I started a second blog called Lost Innocents for practical help for miscarriage. One of the pages is of photographs of real babies at every week gestation up to 20 weeks. I've had to fill in a lot of stock photos because there are very few "natural" photographs taken. I do have a few, thanks to the generosity of women who have graciously let me post their pictures. I also have a page of birth stories (or link-backs).

    Would you consider letting me link back to the story of the birth of Glory? I would love to be able to include an example of a medication-assisted miscarriage. In addition, you did such a wonderful job on *both* stories that I would like to link back to your first one as well. Please also consider letting me post the photographs of your babies on my photograph page (with link-backs, of course). I too want to help women in such a tragic situation not have to go through what we went through.

    "Lost Innocents"


    my original blog:"Praying With my Feet" (

    Thank you. I understand completely if you do not wish to do this.