Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I wanted to tell my story after doing hours of research on the computer and finding it so frustrating that I couldn't find any pictures or anything that resembled what was happening to me.
PLEASE NOTE: I AM TELLING MY STORY IN AS MUCH DETAIL TO HELP WOMEN IN THE SAME SITUATION. THE PICTURES AND WRITING ARE A TRUE ACCOUNT, BUT ARE NOT PRETTY!
My hope in sharing my story is that with the wonders of the internet someone who is going through what I went through will be able to find the answers they need, as I wasn't able to. I do have to start by saying that I do have a wonderful OBGYN Doctor and staff, they are caring and will answer all your questions. But I was still unprepared for what was going to happen to me.
Here is my story.
I am currently 35 years old and have been blessed with 3 beautiful healthy children. I have had a few very early miscarriages 2 before we started trying to have children, one in between my two girls and then another in May of 2009, they all occur shortly after a positive pregnancy test somewhere between 38 and 44 days. Though these are upsetting and sad, they seemed to be easier to get over as the bleeding, etc. just feels like a normal period.
After the loss in May we were told to wait two cycles before we tried again. It took us a little longer to get pregnant this time as my husband travels for a living and wasn't always home at that opportune time :).
Finally in October I was thrilled to have a positive pregnancy test! I think I took 4 as the last time in May they were all very faint. The test were dark and lit up right away! I counted down the days past 38,39,40,41,44...finally the day came for my first doctors appointment and ultrasound. With three kids hubby had to stay at home, but I went in excited to see our little baby and his or her heartbeat. I do have to say that the one thing I was nervous about was I had no morning sickness with this pregnancy. I had kept a journal with all of my pregnancies and was already sick and on medication at this point in my pregnancy. That should have been my first warning sign that something wasn't right.
I always cling to something I read that if you see the heart beat there is only a 2% chance of miscarriage from that point. I sat down for my ultra-sound and was so relieved to see that little heart beat. But that was short lived. Unfortunately there were pools of blood around the baby which you can see on either side of the sac and the heart beat was only 86 beats per minute. It should have been around 120 BPM.The baby was also only measuring 6 weeks when I was 7 weeks and 3 days. I was told it would be a 50/50 chance of survival.
I went home with such a mix of feelings. I wanted my baby to live and to be pregnant, but I also was fearful of the baby surviving and having medical problems as it didn't seem to be a healthy baby. I just prayed that if God wanted me to have this baby he or she would be healthy but ultimately it was His will.
My appointment was on a Monday, Tuesday evening I was walking up the stairs and I felt a couple drops, I ran to the bathroom and I had begun to bleed. It was more of a brownish discharge like what comes out towards the end of your period. Nothing heavy, I could have worn a panty liner. Wednesday morning I started having cramping, in the days before I did have some strange feelings, but I thought maybe it was just my uterus stretching and growing, I called the doctors office and they had me come in for another ultra-sound. I was relieved in a way, I knew I was loosing this pregnancy and obviously it was not a healthy baby, but sad at the same time. I went in and sadly my baby was still alive, but barely. Now the heart rate was only 46 beats per minute. This was horrible, the thought that this little baby inside me was loosing it's fight to stay alive and there was nothing I could do about it. They informed me that unfortunately this was probably going to be a long process. They couldn't do a D&C as the baby was still a viable life, of which I completely understood and agreed with. I was just so upset that this couldn't end quickly. The pools of blood around the baby were gone and most likely what was coming out of me. They sent me home and told me it could happen over the weekend, but it could also be a week, two, maybe more.
I went home sad and depressed. I was having contractions. This was the one thing that makes me upset about all the books out there, they address the pain you feel during a miscarriage as "bad menstral cramps" they weren't cramps, they were contractions! I would compare the contractions to the ones you feel in the first stage of labor, they don't take your breath away, but they don't feel good either! By Friday morning I was in so much pain I called into my doctor and asked for something stronger than Tylonol. Unfortunately I couldn't take it until my husband got in from out of town that evening. At this point I was passing kidney colored clots. I like how one woman described them, they almost look like fish swimming in the toilet as they come out. I had a bucket at first to go in, as they ask you to try and save the actual tissue of the baby, placenta,etc. I would suggest getting a fish net, or in my case I took a sand strainer toy of my kids. The kidney clots would mostly go right through it, but the tissue that I needed to bring in wouldn't. Friday night was the worst, the pain killers did nothing but make me drowsy and didn't take the pain of the contractions away. They came about every 2-5 minutes and if you have gone through labor before, I would compare it to the second stage of labor, just concentrated in a small space as your uterus is not as big. I hardly slept all night and was freaking out as so much of what I had read on the internet said that it only got worse right up to the delivery of the baby. That did not happen for me, I got up at 6:30am and plop right in the toilet is the pictures below. I thought that this was everything, the placenta, baby in the sac (which was later confirmed) You can see in the picture, the pointy ball at the right is the sac with the tiny baby inside. I thought I would be able to see the actual baby, but was later told that it was so small, no legs, arms, etc. But again I couldn't find anything on the internet. So I kept fishing stuff out of the toilet.I didn't have the heavy heavy bleeding I was told to expect, nor what I read on the internet. Honestly I've had periods that I've bleed more. Most everything came out in the toilet. I had one more tissue come out on Sunday afternoon which is the last picture. You can see the difference between tissue on the right, looks like a triangle and the kidney clots on the left. I went to the doctor the following Monday, the ultra-sound scan showed everything was out. My own doctor was surprised when I told him that I hardly bled. He went to look at the picture below for himself. He said it was text book perfect. They rarely see the entire placenta, baby & sac come out all together. I hope my story helps you. I have cried for over a week now, and am feeling better each day. I am sure God will bless us with that 4th baby in the future. Hopefully I'll have a post in the future with my progress. The one book I would highly recommend is TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR FERTILITY BY TONI WESHLER. This book has helped me get pregnant with all my children and was the most informative on miscarriages.
If anyone has a story of their miscarriage after healthy pregnancies, and their ability to get pregnant after. Please Email me. If you have any questions I am more than happy to answer what I can. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Janet