Saturday, April 23, 2011

19 Weeks 1 day April 23rd,2011

Well little one, I know your still alive as I can feel you kicking inside of me. I have been very worried since I came down with the flu 4 days ago. Today is the time where we found out your sister had passed away. So you can imagine I have been on edge hoping that you are still doing well.
I'm a little nervous since they put me on Tamiflu which isn't deemed "safe" for pregnancy, but I have to trust that they know that whatever risk there might have been from the drug is outweighed by the risk of the actual fever and effects of the flu.
Tomorrow is another big day for you and I. It will be my 37th birthday and the time we delivered your sister at 19 weeks and 2 days. Tomorrow is such a special day, with it also being Easter, the time we celebrate our Risen Savior! What a wonderful day to have as a birthday, with you alive inside me, and to celebrate the life of Christ.
I can't wait to post pictures on the 28th of  you my little one. I pray that we will see a healthy growing baby!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Pregnant again

I think I need to start documenting this pregnancy since I've been too afraid to buy a journal. The last one I started with the baby we lost at 8 weeks, and then when I got past 8 weeks with Glory thought, I'll just use the same one. I just can't bear to buy the same journal again right now and start it.

I've set little milestones for myself with this pregnancy. First it was getting to the first ultra-sound at 8 weeks and seeing that little heartbeat. I think my tech knew this time not to tell me "it's a keeper" like she did with Glory. Then we got to the 12 week, though I don't know how I made it, I swear every time I went to the bathroom I'd check to see if there was blood when I wiped. All was good, I could have found out the sex but we have decided to wait. I'm too scared to buy anything for this baby till I get to viability age.

Then we made it to the 16 week appointment, a real hard one for me. I actually broke down in the office crying cause at 16 weeks we had a healthy heartbeat of 146 BPM with Glory and withing days to a week she had died and I didn't even know. My Dr. didn't even tell me what the BPM was this time, just told me everything was good. Which later had me freaking out. But the AFP test came back negative and I'm taking this as a great sign, since it had come back positive with Glory.

Now I'm at 18 weeks. My due date is September 16th, just 2 days after our one year anniversary of Glory's birth. My birthday, which for the first and only time in my life it will fall on Easter, marks 19 weeks 2 days, which is how far along I was when I delivered Glory. So my next milestone is just making it to 20 weeks. I can feel this one kicking so that's good. I'm starting to really feel pregnant. I can feel this little one inside me moving from time to time. Just praying everyday that we can hold him or her in our arms sometime in late Aug or early Sept. It would be pretty darn cool to be back exactly a year later in that hospital with tears of joy, instead of tears of sorrow!